The Big Queef

The Big Queef

A wind gust
blows against my balls.
The smell, is where
the trouble started.
I realized she had just farted.

© 2016 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

 

Flower Blossoms Wither in the Growl

PotterGOTHRONES

This photo was taken days before the “Battle of Bastards”

A letter delivered via raven transcribed

 

My sweet flower.

My delightful piece of Brie.  (Brie cheese is a tasty delight don’t you think?)

My Love,

where art thou?

Without you by my side its

a perpetual state of ground hogs day (Bill Murray was great in this movie.)

I had hoped you would

have reached out to me

by this hour.

I miss watching the fear in your eyes

wash away at one glance into

my fierce mug (Mug in this reference is not a drinking apparatus but in actuality is a slang term for face.)

Desire; Submissively allow claws to gently clench

against your flesh as a reminder.

This nightmarish dream of vertigo

turns into warmth as you

fall into my arms…said the wolf.

© 2016 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Umbilical Cord Release Day

 

happybirthdayjelly

 

I was a fetus once

Polaroids

In a 1980’s shoe box

Proof of infancy

A remembrance

Units of parental guidance

Have provided refreshments

As the light is dimmed

Wax-lit-wicks

On top of a moist Betty Crocker

The seance begins

Nursery rhymes

Endorsing happiness

Someone cut the cord on this shindig

I think I’m going to need a drink.

© 2016 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

Birthday repost (It is my birthday and I’ll repost if I want to)

Pause for a Station Break

Why hello there its yours truly Jfreshly bringing you a station break.  A Pause in the Modern Linguistics: Song Blog flow.  Recently a user that goes by the moniker of Donnie Jerko submitted a few interesting comments.  I choose not to allow these comments because his name “Donnie Jerko” when clicked would take you to an adult film oriented website.

This user realized this apparent comment denial and proceeded to send another comment which suggested much anger and aggression towards Jfreshly.  This blog is about creativity and enjoying the language of letters.  With-in that logic I feel it would go against the grain and ideals of this blog not to share them.

This blog does not and will not promote any pornographic or illegal websites.  That reason and that reason alone is why I did not accept these comments.  Enjoy your moment in the sun Donnie Jerko.  I hope this blog post brings you much happiness.

You never know who you will meet in the world of blogging.  #LOL

https://jfreshly.wordpress.com/2016/02/27/socket-madness/ (This is the original post to which the comments were posted).

– 2016/03/01 at 12:56 am

Donnie Jerko

My pussy has a first name its J-E-l-l-O. My wiener has a first name when I find it I will let you know. One time I frenched a tree, it wasn’t all that and later that day I found out I was allergic to poison sumac, Yankees batman its time to leave.

– John

– 2016/03/01 at 3:48 pm

Donnie Jerko

You dodgy tosser, I get off a plane from Disney World expecting my haiku to be posted and you deny me my freedom. I was relating to being stuck on a plane you wanker, YOU will pay for this denial. Every hour you do not post this a cat will get petted, every day that goes by a pancake will die, I will pull up this blog on screens around the world and smash the screen. Who are you to deny people their comments, those are their comments, they own them. You barnacle bill free speech impeding bastard, you have no right, you are not the beak although you probably do wear a curly wig quite often, neigh, What was that? Caligula’s horse just told you fuck off you Yankee candle buying arsemonger. Ohhh look at me come post a comment, wait no let me read it first and then Ill decide if it is good enough for me manky blog. You cocked up big time by doing this matey, Ill give you so many viruses it will make ancient Babylon look like playgroup. your no better than those cheese eating surrender monkeys across the pond, you will feel the full wrath I curse you from this tosh to the slag you romp every fortnight. You will taste fish and chips for eternity, your teeth will surely rot and you wank will fall off because you are not a beak, you are not a judge, you are just a no good word panderer with one good eye. Prepare matey, prepare.

-John

© 2016 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.​

On a side note I just found out you can go into admin and delete the URL linked to their screen name.  My bad dude #LOL.

 

Ten Moments of Zen With Jfreshly

Ten Moments of Zen with Jfreshly

 

  1. To look at black and white photos of naked women is pleasant.
  2. My style be like Golden Axe when the joystick’s in motion. I be straight up kicking the shit out of these squirrels to get these potions
  3. Would Ancient Egyptians have liked the television series The X-Files?
  4. Eat lots of figs for good bowel movements.
  5. Breakfast and head is the reward for dealing with PMS once a month.
  6. If you’ve gone a month without a dose of Dr. Seuss your childhood is in jeopardy. (What is Lay out your booster Alex?  That’s correct for $1,000).
  7. The NAACP has asked its members to boycott “Black Friday” they have requested that the day after Thanks Giving simply be referred to as “Friday”.
  8. TMZ has reported, “This just in folks Sponge Bob Square Pants was caught shopping at Urban Outfitters while wearing circular pants”.
  9. Rendezvous at the land of lakes. If my memory serves correctly there will be attractive Indian women offering butter.
  10. For our first date, I’ll dress up like the penguin from Billy Madison, and pour us Manischewitz by waterfalls.

 

© 2015 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

To Draft Amongst Kings

onionringofpowerA sports minded hobbit sets his fantasy football lineups.
Then places his weekly lottery tickets into an envelope.
A wax seal emblem pressed: The House of Freshness represented.
Mailed to the Giants at the Meadow Lands delivered by the “Quick Post”.
Shipped by the boats of the Southron Buccaneers in the bay of Tampa.
The Eagles watch over the financials along the arduous travel.
Then flown to “The Bank” by the Ravens, Edgar, Allan, and Poe.
The all seeing eye embossed in flame always watching.
The nameless fear that sports the prestigious Burger King crown.
He who enchants his legendary lineups with the Palantír (Great seeing stones of statistical advantage).
A shadowy figure cooks twenty Onion Rings in the heart of Mount Doom.
Three Onion Rings given out to the Elven-kings under the sky of Hail Mary.
Seven Onion Rings given out to the Dwarf-Lords in their halls of analytic sports mining.
Nine Onion Rings given out to the Mortal Men of gambling addiction doomed to be broke.
All of whom were deceived.
One Onion Ring for the Dark Draft King.
In the noxious landscape of online weekly fantasy football draft farms.
One Onion Ring to rule them all.
One Onion ring to find out what lineups the people of middle earth will start each week.
One Onion Ring to bring them all and in the gamble fleece them.
In the land of the Internet where the owners of Draft Kings and Fanduel lie.
The One Onion Ring of power forged in the deepest fryers of Mordor where the shadows devour “The Whoppers”.
As time passed the scripture engraved on the One Onion Ring to rule them all faded.
Only when dipped in heated zesty Onion Ring sauce would the ancient elvish scripture illuminate in a fiery red glow.
The translation: Concept of the four leaf clover.
In the high stakes den’s of Bree.
At the Prancing Pony.
A place where they have pitted fans against fans in a duel to the monetary death.
Shire folk wager with wizards, rangers, elves, dwarfs, and men from all over Middle Earth.
Their silver pennies, pence, and various precious metals the stake.
Wagered over games of linguistic riddles, dice, cards, and of course football.
The contestants eagerly watch games of lateral pig skin movement.
On pools of reflection.

*  “To Draft Amongst Kings” is a reflection of how I feel about the illegal market of insider analytics trading.  Draft Kings and Fan Duel are two major players in the weekly fantasy football market.  According to one source that I read there are allegations that employees of each site traded analytic information and had access to this analytic information when they created their lineups which won over $350,000 last week.    Employees of both companies have access to statistical data that allow them to have a incredible edge over the average player.  They have access to what percentage of people are playing certain players.  Also, they are responsible for setting the draft prices for each player.  This is an example of insider trading and can’t be tolerated.  Both companies have issued a statement, which included an apology, and a promise that in the future employees will not be able to play in any weekly fantasy football tournaments on either of the weekly fantasy football draft farms.  There is in fact a class action lawsuit and if you would like to find out more about it here is a link.

© 2015 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved