Ten Moments of Zen With Jfreshly

Ten Moments of Zen with Jfreshly

 

  1. To look at black and white photos of naked women is pleasant.
  2. My style be like Golden Axe when the joystick’s in motion. I be straight up kicking the shit out of these squirrels to get these potions
  3. Would Ancient Egyptians have liked the television series The X-Files?
  4. Eat lots of figs for good bowel movements.
  5. Breakfast and head is the reward for dealing with PMS once a month.
  6. If you’ve gone a month without a dose of Dr. Seuss your childhood is in jeopardy. (What is Lay out your booster Alex?  That’s correct for $1,000).
  7. The NAACP has asked its members to boycott “Black Friday” they have requested that the day after Thanks Giving simply be referred to as “Friday”.
  8. TMZ has reported, “This just in folks Sponge Bob Square Pants was caught shopping at Urban Outfitters while wearing circular pants”.
  9. Rendezvous at the land of lakes. If my memory serves correctly there will be attractive Indian women offering butter.
  10. For our first date, I’ll dress up like the penguin from Billy Madison, and pour us Manischewitz by waterfalls.

 

© 2015 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Big Brother is Watching

worddpress

Apparently there is a new chat feature available.  Where a staff member from WordPress.com can create a chat window and start dialog.  On Thursday this chat function appeared as I was perusing WordPress for brain science theory (reading material).  Here is the conversation that ensued.

It all started with a question mark.

Below is the transcript from your recent chat with WordPress.com
jfreshly ?
Jason – WordPress.com Hi there!
Jason – WordPress.com How can I help?
jfreshly It’s too late for that.
jfreshly How did this chat pop up?
Jason – WordPress.com The chat is based on operator availability. We are trying to expand our availability to cover more users in more timezones.
jfreshly Ohh.  Well that’s cool.
Jason – WordPress.com Thanks!
jfreshly Can I chat with other bloggers?
jfreshly Or is this more of a help icon.
Jason – WordPress.com Just for support for now.
Jason – WordPress.com You can add a chat widget to your site if you would like.
jfreshly Cool.  Ill have to look into that.
Jason – WordPress.com Anything else I can help you with?
jfreshly Have any cute Asians lying around that like long hugs and funny cat Gifs?
Jason – WordPress.com Bwahahahaha
Jason – WordPress.com That’s fantastic.
Jason – WordPress.com Have a great rest of your night man.
jfreshly Thanks! You as well.

© 2014 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.​

Pastry Bandit

photo

4 pastries huh…

She lifts the bag

Then the adorable check out girl gives me the LOOK and smiles.

They don’t check the bag.  They actually never check the bag.  Even if they suspect you may be telling them an inaccurate pastry count they don’t want the hassle.  The reason I’d like to believe they don’t want the hassle is because they know the pastries are overpriced in the first place.

Rewind 5 minutes.

There I am at the Hunt Valley Wegmans with a stuffed bag of pastries.

The thing is, I’ve been staking out each checkout line to see which would be most suitable for this con.

5’7″ female Asian American adorable.

She fits the criteria perfectly.

For starters, if she makes a fuss I have the ability to flirt with her and smooth things over.  Secondly, I’m contemplating the idea of asking for her digits.

The thing is I’ve been incrementally stealing pastries from this joint for about 4 weeks now.

They are delicious, expensive, and never on sale.

Being a resourceful Jew, I created a pastry price algorithm based on the principle of PIE

The reason I chose this algorithm is because I infinitely love these pastries.  Soooo good.

They are 1 dollar a piece which really does not make sense.  Due to the variable size and ingredients of each pastry how can they all possibly cost 1 dollar each.  At most they should be .75 per and that’s in a high dividend yield pastry market.  Wegmans has decided not to apply the pastry variance theory whatsoever and deep down that really bothers me.

photo-1

Pastry Variance Theory:  Due to ingredients, size, and deliciousness of said item it will be priced accordingly.

THEY ARE ALL 1 dollar a piece how is that possible.  It’s not mathematically speaking.  Just another example of grocer negligence.

So, with that being said, I typically will take 7 pastries and tell them I have 4.

4 is a really good number.  I think 4 dollars for pastries is more then fair.  I’m on a budget after all.

On a side note I no longer eat pastries.  Apparently they are not healthy (Insert bunny ears emoticon here).

© 2014 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.