The Big Queef

The Big Queef

A wind gust
blows against my balls.
The smell, is where
the trouble started.
I realized she had just farted.

© 2016 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

 

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Zansabar: the Curator of Hallucination’s Game House

ZansabarGameHouse

 

Zansabar the Curator of Hallucinations and The Drunken Game-Master sit down for some afternoon tea.

In moments of zen

As they pretend

The wormhole activates in brain space

Zansabar the Curator of Hallucinations, “We’re in bat country!”
“Why have you not summoned the Wyvern?”
The Drunken Game-Master holds a NES Original Controller. Also, its important to note that he’s wearing the patented “Mythril Tank Top” (also referred to as a wife beater by the pundits of popular culture).

NINTENDOCROC
The Drunken Game-Master responded with a delightful request,”Pound cake and lemonade sire?”

Moments of hypothetical hysteria diffused by positive reinforcement
It’s an important lesson to be learned
When the bender is real
Deep discussion of theoretical significance

Recent topics include:
1. Baby porcupines still hurt when you try to hug them?

baby porcupine    It was decided through hours of random incantations of the English vocabulary that indeed even though a baby porcupine is very cute to hug one…really hug one…would be painful.

2. Cloudy hallways tended by lovable teddy bears in cars that run on cartoon clouds.

Skeltorcarebarecloud   This brought on many words which described the philosophy of ‘Cheer Bear’ vs ‘Grumpy Bear’ and the race of destiny.  It was finally agreed upon that ‘Grumpy Bear’ had the driving abilities to win the race but at the end of the day they’d both preferred to live the lifestyle of ‘Cheer Bear’.  For reasons that no one can remember.

3. Candy Land has run out of the gooey gooey gum drops.

KingKandy     Zansabar pulls a purple card and curses in the name of “King Kandy” the lost king of Candy Land.  For he is far behind in this duel of Land Candy.  The Drunken Game Master found a whistle and somehow has warped passed Candy Land World all together. The Drunken Game Master and Bowser be chillen at the castle having tea time with a real life princess!

Zansabar, “Purple square is a shot of adrenal gland…Right?”
A high stakes game of intake.
Are we here?
Are we part of something bigger?
Is there anybody out there? (Insert trippy music emoticon here.)
Over 50 shades of whiskey the conversation turns.
Holli Would gets off…of the Italian leather sectional and laughs.
Zansabar says, “Whats 67 inches by 55 inches and has 24 colored circles my dear.”
“Twister you say?” as she looks back over her shoulder.
would
This request is most reasonable.
I’ll require more martinis however.

© 2015 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

Bogarden2 vs Bogarden3 AN EPIC CONFRONTATION

magiccard

I wanted to give some love to my good friend at https://waldendrive.wordpress.com/ French Tree (markeliotwrites).  On a blog post “CHAT: Bogarden3” we have had a very fun and interesting comment chain.  I wanted to share as a blog post because I rather enjoyed it and this blog “Modern Linguistics” is all about sharing creativity.  If you don’t play Magic: The Gathering or never have then this may seem a bit foreign to you.  Never the less you should enjoy it!  Feel free to continue with the epic battle in the comment section!  We’re closing in on Bogarden2 its only a matter of time!  If you’re interested in getting caught up on what is going on here is the link to the original post. https://jfreshly.wordpress.com/2015/05/30/chat-bogarden3/

Key: Bogarden3 and or French Tree’s parts are in Bold.  Sofaknight and or Jfreshly’s part is italicized.

Yeah, had to bury Bogarden1
But Bogarden2 is still on the loose
Just like my play
Need to tighten it up
It’s all about the gang-affiliated hype
Seeking the treasure with the rest of the brethren
Bound for the Lonestar state to participate in the origin of the masses
And rise from the ashes
A glowing bird

Just got an address for Bogarden2. Rendezvous at the land of lakes. If my memory serves correctly there will be attractive Indian women offering butter. I’ll make sure to bring dough for biscuits. As for Bogarden2: level 2 protocol is in order. I have initiated Voltron Strike Force Activate on Bogarden2. I did not want to be the one to break this too you. They are holding the entire Welch’s Grape Jelly plant hostage. I’m not sure how it leaked sir. But, they have got the jelly.

We must convene with the five orbs to summon the most dastardly of butter dragons to spit flames of canola upon the planeswalker they call Bogarden2…

This just in: a merfolk from Welch’s has tapped out a signal to our Ghitu encampment. It appears that Bogarden2 was cloned by a devious Vesuvian – shapeshifting with the blood moon … Howling beyond lung capacity until he went berserk… Only to be miraculously recovered – stronger than ever, poured on popcorn like primordial ooze … Devoured in an eyeblight massacre by an army of 400 deep shadow elves… I don’t know how they were able to get this signal out, but I can only assume it was in a fog… We must prepare our Voltron forces to strike before the fog wears off and darkness sets in… Are you with me?

I hear you loud and clear sir. We’re fighting tooth and nail down here and were almost out of mana. That Zuran Orb we stole from the trinket mage has left our supplies completely depleted. It got us through the worst of times converting all that sour jelly from the great Welch’s siege into a usable food resource. Now I fear we must strike based on your counter intelligence . How you were able to delve through the enemy’s Intel to dig through the time tables was next to a miracle. As for the Elves of the Deep Shadow your numbers were a bit off. It was over 4,000 but they have been dealt with. Get two birds stoned at once is the saying here at Modern Linguistics: legend of the five orbs portal. We once again called upon Eladamri to allow us to use his legions of Birchlore Rangers to tap down the Elves of the Deep Shadow. (Bow Chicka Bow Wow…Bow Chicka Bow Wow indeed) those Bircholore Rangers have always been effective for us this time the results were concise and victorious. All that tapping left the Vesuvian Shapeshifter completely depleted and when he called upon the trinket mage to gather his Zuran Orb…Well I think you don’t need me to paint that picture for you. Lets just say its safe to say he won’t be doing any mo tinkering soon yo. The time is now to Voltron Strike Force Activate. To finally rid us of this cowardly Bogarden2 that has thus far slipped through the grasp of the legion of the five orbs. May your prayers be with we us and your calculations accurate. For we strike at your word of command.

A CARRIER PIGEON HAS ARRIVED CARRYING A MERCHANT SCROLL. It’s written in blood! Please sofaknight – please decode this omen before the force of veil descend upon our city of brass…

© 2015 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

CAPS LOCK

capslock

Why are you yelling?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN EXACTLY?

THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS TYPE.

WITH AUTHORITY.

I’M A WALKING CAPS LOCK.

THAT’S MY IMAGE.

MY SCHTICK.

I AM CAPS LOCK.

Please!

If you could stop the emphasizations I would appreciate it.

I can barely read what your typing with all that yelling.

Your fingers must be more worn out then the boat slaves from “Ben-Hur.”

REALLY DUDE “BEN-HUR” REFERENCES?

I’m sorry were you typing something.

I was trying to read it but it was so loud that I couldn’t quite understand the point you were trying to make.

IS THIS SOME SORT OF A RUSE?

Ohhh…

I accidentally had caps lock on sorry!

You’re so EMF.

Porque?

YOU’RE UNBELIEVABLE!

Could you please keep it down.

I’m on the library computer.

© 2014 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.​

White Flag

whiteflag

Brother Alias, “I need you to take a photo of the front of your license and send it to me for Comcast.”

Response courtesy of Jfreshly (yours truly)

In this world there is a constant battle between two sides.

One side is symbolized by the egg.

Then there is the side that aligns with the snake.

I can’t recall which side I’m fighting for.

But, what I do know is there is a point where you put down your guns, dispose of the bullets, and put up the white flag.

Today is that day.

You will get your picture with my license sent to you accordingly in a timely matter.

Be sure to tell those suckers at Comcast I no longer want to use their services.

Because they suck eggs not to be confused with actually being an egg of course which would be an entirely different awkward text message.

They can just suck them but not actually be them.

Which is the point I was trying to make coherently obvious.

This message was sent to you by the man with opposable thumbs.

(I’m listening to Jazz please don’t call the looney bin)

Sincerely your brother on this day of our lord.

© 2014 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.​

Before Now

scrouged

What the world needs now

Is good good love

Give it to me

Give it to me

Give it to me now

Give it to me

Give it to me

Give it to me now

It was you

It was me

It was before Now

It is all that I loved

And care about

My mouth is a water spout

Turn your head

As I shout

Ill tear you to pieces

and eat our your brain

Mindless automaton

Fatality of anonymous

Bark like a dog into the darkness

Insane

Into a pit

That is bottomless

Who was the one that created enemies

What traits must you desire

To pursue greed

What the world needs now

Is good good love

Give it to me

Give it to me

Give it to me now

Give it to me

Give it to me

Give it to me now

It was you

It was me

It was before Now

It was all that I loved

And cared about

My mouth is a water spout

Turn your head

As I shout

It was Siddhartha

In moments of peace

Preordained

Philosophies

Give to the yield

Own nothing

Wind blows through sacred trees

at mind numbing speeds

Druids speak the tongue of ancient leaves

So the sigil was forged

In an attempt to

deconstruct the machine

What the world needs now

Is good good love

Give it to me

Give it to me

Give it to me now

Give it to me

Give it to me

Give it to me now

It was you

It was me

It was before Now

It was all that I loved

And cared about

My mouth is a water spout

Turn your head

As I shout

I’d become hatred

Then a saint

Scrooged McDucked fountains

Then starved myself for days

I was yin

Then I was yang

Through correspondence

Of various ideology

Transpired through patterns

questions of Psychology

No rest for the wicked

Ace of spades is a sickness

What the world needs now

Is good good love

Give it to me

Give it to me

Give it to me now

Give it to me

Give it to me

Give it to me now

It was you

It was me

It was before Now

It was all that I loved

And cared about

My mouth is a water spout

Turn your head

As I shout

© 2014 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.​

Big Brother is Watching

worddpress

Apparently there is a new chat feature available.  Where a staff member from WordPress.com can create a chat window and start dialog.  On Thursday this chat function appeared as I was perusing WordPress for brain science theory (reading material).  Here is the conversation that ensued.

It all started with a question mark.

Below is the transcript from your recent chat with WordPress.com
jfreshly ?
Jason – WordPress.com Hi there!
Jason – WordPress.com How can I help?
jfreshly It’s too late for that.
jfreshly How did this chat pop up?
Jason – WordPress.com The chat is based on operator availability. We are trying to expand our availability to cover more users in more timezones.
jfreshly Ohh.  Well that’s cool.
Jason – WordPress.com Thanks!
jfreshly Can I chat with other bloggers?
jfreshly Or is this more of a help icon.
Jason – WordPress.com Just for support for now.
Jason – WordPress.com You can add a chat widget to your site if you would like.
jfreshly Cool.  Ill have to look into that.
Jason – WordPress.com Anything else I can help you with?
jfreshly Have any cute Asians lying around that like long hugs and funny cat Gifs?
Jason – WordPress.com Bwahahahaha
Jason – WordPress.com That’s fantastic.
Jason – WordPress.com Have a great rest of your night man.
jfreshly Thanks! You as well.

© 2014 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.​