Ten Moments of Zen With Jfreshly

Ten Moments of Zen with Jfreshly

 

  1. To look at black and white photos of naked women is pleasant.
  2. My style be like Golden Axe when the joystick’s in motion. I be straight up kicking the shit out of these squirrels to get these potions
  3. Would Ancient Egyptians have liked the television series The X-Files?
  4. Eat lots of figs for good bowel movements.
  5. Breakfast and head is the reward for dealing with PMS once a month.
  6. If you’ve gone a month without a dose of Dr. Seuss your childhood is in jeopardy. (What is Lay out your booster Alex?  That’s correct for $1,000).
  7. The NAACP has asked its members to boycott “Black Friday” they have requested that the day after Thanks Giving simply be referred to as “Friday”.
  8. TMZ has reported, “This just in folks Sponge Bob Square Pants was caught shopping at Urban Outfitters while wearing circular pants”.
  9. Rendezvous at the land of lakes. If my memory serves correctly there will be attractive Indian women offering butter.
  10. For our first date, I’ll dress up like the penguin from Billy Madison, and pour us Manischewitz by waterfalls.

 

© 2015 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

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   It’s been over a year now since Modern Linguistics was thrust upon the Internet.  Before it’s conception It was a dark time for yours truly and so I embarked on a long road trip from Baltimore (Charm City) to Florida (The Sunshine State) to visit friends along the way.  I ended up in Georgia (I wrote Travel Gnome on this leg of the trip) to meet up with a lovely couple that had decided it would be agreeable to allow me to stay at their flat.  Apparently, to seal the deal my friend a.k.a. French Tree told his significant other I was well versed in elvish and would teach them the dialect.  After a few heated discussions where I explained that I was in no emotional shape to teach such lessons they still were in agreement that it was in my best interest to stay for a few days.

    They were wonderful hosts and it just so happened that French Tree was in the market for a ride from Georgia (The Peach State) to Florida (The Sunshine State) to meet up with his lovely who had decided to plane instead of journey on a flying dog because the prices on eBay for a three man saddle were through the roof.  We we’re now on a mission which involved the transportation of his lovely’s love to Florida (The Sunshine State) so they could all be together for her birthday.

DoggieNo Flying Dogs were injured in the making of this blog post

     After three excruciating days of pretending not to be fluent in elvish dialect we were off to see the wizard.  The wonderful wizard of fresh squeezed orange juice.  The stuff is all over the place down south and I highly recommend the next time you take a road trip to the coast you stop by one of there fine establishments and wet your whistle with fresh squeezed OJ.  One stipulation of the drive was that Justin Schneider (Jfreshly’s alter ego) would freestyle throughout the duration which would later be known as “The Hot Jelly Transfer.”  And so it was, that on this epic journey, two gentlemen climbed upon a giant dog that had the ability to fly only in correlation with the power of freestyles (Certainly not the power of Grey Skull which I think is important enough to add).  On this flight under the blanket of night I  transcended time and space to become Jfreshly.

       The freestyles were recorded on a Black Berry and I believe they are still in existence.  I prefer not to record hot jelly as I believe freestyles are meant to live and die with the moment.  However, on this occasion, it was cool to listen to trapped jelly a few days later when I was not locked in a full lyrical comatose.  Once the never ending journey came to a conclusion I dropped French Tree off at the airport.  I know what you are thinking…Um why would French Tree not take the flying dog the rest of the way.  Dude!  The flying dog was freaking tired OK!!!  That is why I dropped French Tree off at the airport.  Not because the dog never actually took flight because it most certainly did.  End of story (It actually never ends because the story has NeverEnding in the title).

   I got the opportunity to spend roughly two weeks in Florida (The Sunshine State) with my childhood best friend a.k.a. Rubber Ducky and my newly formed (two year old) God Son.  Acoustic guitar rifts on the beach as waves crashed upon our feet accompanied by fresh jelly is exactly what the doctor had ordered.  After the session of jams his Peruvian lovely made a killer ceviche as a proper send off (The type of dish you would expect for a god father of this magnitude). This was most excellent and certainly went a long way in the healing process.

  A few days before I was to embark on the epic drive north French Tree had called to extend a branch of olives,  “Stop by on the way back to Baltimore (Charm City) the prospect of you going the distance (Great Cake Song) scares us,” French Tree and his Lovely said from the Black Berry (Which was most likely owned by Captain Nemo at some point cause this thing was ancient yo).  I took him up on his offer and chilled on the outskirts of Hotlanta (The Peach City) for a few days before my eventual departure home.

   French Tree asked if I would write some of my freestyles down on a blog to share my abilities with the people on the inter-webs.  I agreed and two days later he eventually came to the conclusion that in no way shape or form would I actually start the blog.  So he did what any great friend would do.  He created Modern Linguistics, wrote the post “Rocket Ship,” and said, “Here you go Fresh now you have a blog.”

   Most of the songs that I have posted on Modern Linguistics have been with me for a long time.  I would religiously sing them in the shower, on car drives, and while out for a hike.  When Friday and Saturday would roll around if there was no extra curricular activity to attend I would jump in the heated agua and belt out an entire album.  I thought to myself that somehow the words and rhythms would entwine with the hot water and as others would bathe or shower my songs would somehow osmosis into their thought process.  I tried very hard to make sure that the droplets of water would carry my songs to another lonely soul for no other purpose then enjoyment.  During my entire time in Baltimore (Charm City) no one has yet to come up to me and say, “You’re that guy that sang in the shower last night and defied all the laws of science!  How did you figure out that you could transfer an entire album of music through droplets of water?”    In case you are wondering this is a terrible way to share music.

   I’ve never kept a journal.  As far as the poetry is concerned I’m not sure where it comes from.  You may want to ask whomever created the place this question.  Who exactly perfected “Heart Jelly” and how were they able to implement the process of “Heart Jelly” to form spontaneously?  It is a bit new for me to sit down at the computer and let the words flow through my fingertips (Computer Jelly).

    To have a platform where I can share my thoughts and ideals with other like minded artisans has been a blessing.  I wanted to write this blog post to thank everyone that has taken the time to read some of my poetry and or listen to some of my songs.  For a long time I thought it would be a shame if I were to pass away and no one else heard these words romance these rhythms.  So with that I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone that has stopped by Modern Linguistics to show their support.  Thank You (This Thank You is sponsored by much LOVE).

© 2015 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved

Customer Service Girl

customer

Her font was so lovely

For days

There were thoughts

Transferred on an instant messenger

Capturing innocence

Then the powers that be

Decided to play god

Decree of silence

Now

I stare into a blank text box

My bare hello

Where has she gone too?

She had the most beautiful font

© 2014 Jfreshly Modern Linguistics Song Blog. All Rights Reserved.​